Background
Pasdu was named by a rubber stamp that caught a young musician's eye. The words “PAST DUE” written in red rubber. The teenager would-be artist was blissfully unaware of how fitting the name they'd adapted would become.
All they ever wanted to do was express themselves, preferably in a growly, accusatory voice. Preferably with something transgressive and less-than-polite.
Scribbled, ill defined.
Pasdu
The artist drew a character made of scribbles and lines. A self portrait that is equal parts revolting and promising.
A blank slate to draw on, save a few scars.
That artist transitioned twenty years later, and with it came waves of revelations. Self discovery but so much, so soon it became a source of overwhelm- but she remembered Pasdu from her younger years and dusted off her resolve.
The songs start with a very upset dude failing to process and evolve into a trans girl. More complicated, imperfect and incomplete but apparently whole. Someone with borders, boundaries and identity.
I may not like the earlier songs, but I do think they are part of the overall thing.
Coming out
and going back.
For a period, there were no songs, an artist so locked inside themselves that the desire to create was hampered by the reluctance to say. She started writing songs almost every day.
Dozens and dozens into hundreds of recorded thoughts, memories, abstractions. She got better fast, she developed trust in herself. She learned to map names feelings and give them lyrics, chords and subtextual meanings. The scribble of a face became an altered persona of a person, Violet- with stitching and crosses in place of features. It is, at least, an improvement over a black and white scribble.
CROSSED EYES
A SCRIBBLE OF A MAN?
The scribbleface to me is one of the craziest things about the whole "Pasdu" thing. Like I was setting out a blank slate for myself. Like I saw the problem with who I was and the worst part of it all. Like a map of my later Dysphoria.
I carry the visual aesthetic over into the new stuff, but I've taken to drawing it straight on photos.
Modern day Violet
She's not THAT crazy
well, it's debatable
If you were to listen to the original Pasdu songs, "The Old Stuff". It wouldn't be unreasonable to be concerned for the writer's wellbeing.
Even my contemporary music touches on some dark themes sometimes. But really, I am not a disturbed person, Pasdu adds a bit of an edgy veneer but, well- just by merit of having the experiences I have had, I feel like the darkness is associated with me but not affiliated. For me the songs are a proof of integration, not an unresolved problem.
Pasdu as a vehicle for moral outrage
Because some problems demand a good screaming at
It can be difficult, seeing the terrible things happening to LGBT people, and more broadly, so many other inequities that seem to be getting worse. Pasdu allows me actually scream about it. It may be screaming into a void, but still.
Purple Pasdu, Red and Blue
I use the colours red and blue a lot in my writing:
I could see myself fitting into you
Lie still lie back breathe deep deep blue
blue hell, red dread, violet creepin' up on you
- Blue Hell, Limerence
I honestly do not know why I took on a strong association with the colour purple, but it precedes the name Violet and the name comes from it and not the other way around.
I’m sitting with my friends in hell
a world of blue and red
where no-one minds if one of us dies
they’d laugh about our deaths
it’s blue and red
- hELLO, Dissonance
(currently unreleased)
As a songwriter, purple being broken into red and blue is a kind of poetic justice. Red for the heart bleeding and love, blue for a deep bruise and sadness. It just- works.